Deus Ex- Gold -Rinse and Repeat.

I hate Fallout 4. I detest it or loathe it. It gives me pain with an external cause. So I play Deus Ex. I only play the first level. It is confusing because I hit the skip button a lot. I do not care what Jesus’s brother has to say. I just skip his dialogue. I make choices but I skip them. I doubt those are choices. I still find it more joyous than doing the same thing for an hour just for some robot to want to wake up next to me. I want to take metal mouth guard to bed before Curie. I do not know anymore what I am agreeing to. I always take the arm cross knock out dart thing. The various enemies seem to kill me when they use it on me but I use it on them Jesus’s brother loves it.

I seem to always find the Looking Glass key door, “0451.” I find “0451” codes everywhere. It seems like it is “1234,” of the video game world. I get some cool things. Metal Mouth acts like I am going to kill some people with my tranquilizer darts. He is a weird jerk, like a video game equivalent of a U Bum tweet.  He wants me to kill everyone! I just want to save the insecure man in the cell. He is tougher than me! I am not sure why he is insecure. It takes me five to ten minutes to shot someone accurately, and it takes five reloads to kill him in the Mass place.

I cannot save Hermann. He is always going to criticize me for climbing up the side and taking out the mines. I do it every time. My skills are either climb up the side or murder everyone. I do not want to make metal mouth U bum happy. I refuse to make him happy. Then again, he always gets my money. I suppose it is fifty USD. I live in the Future and Fifty USD is like two months of HBO or an AAA game. I just keep giving metal mouth U bum fifty dollars. I don’t care because Jesus’s brother is going to compliment me so much. However this time I am going to save Hermann, or play the Doom II level where it smashes the demons with a flick of switch.  All this is better than killing poor zombies at such and such location or worse raiders with rocket launchers.

I will save Hermann. I sneak around like a Thief, or the more approachable Thief 2, with an arm cross bolt. I do not care if they see me. I am a walking talking performance artist from Vietnam, walk on. I enter the Statue of Liberty, the very one that U bum hates what she stands for and that the Ghostbusters took for a quick amble to defeat Max von Sydow’s voice. That guy worked with Ingmar Bergman. He was the knight of faith in Seventh Seal. I could be deat,h but JC brother will get butt hurt and make metal mouth U bum ecstatic.  Do they have metal teeth? They are people I know that but how do the UN guys eat? Is that part of their body or something that they put on every night when they go on duty?

I die a lot. As I said before I prefer climbing up the side in a jumping puzzle. I am a big fan of first person jumping puzzles. I think Warren Spector said it best “I want to make a role playing game not a ‘roll playing’ game and jumping in first person. The kids like that.” Do we ever. I hop and I hop and I solve the problem skipping through the dialogue. The dude giving drugs likes me because I understand him. I have no feeling anymore for him. I failed to save Hermann. HERMANN! He says something smart-ass. I hate Hermann but far less than Preston Garvey. I like the guy by the docks. I do not have a clue what he is saying. His robot lady friend gives me more darts.

Darts are terrible. I shoot someone in the head and hide. They always find me. They shoot at me a couple of times and then run away. I mean I am always running at them and they are much faster then Jesus Christ Denton. I am like Llewellyn Moss fromNo Country For Old Men. I follow their track like a wounded deer; I find the unconscious bodies and take their darts and bullets.  I like these guys; they only carry what they need. The dead UN metal mouths are always smoking.

I finally knock out the robot. Its maybe consumer grade but it does a fine job of killing me. It is perhaps because I am awful at the game. I keep throwing my crowbar across the screen. I use an Electro-magnetic pulse grenade. I use the same thing that is a by-product of nuclear weapons on that little killer consumer robot. I say it is at Amazon; it probably has four stars. I bet one guy complains that rockets and EMP grenades are its vulnerabilities. The company probably responds back quickly. However that one star remains.  I hack that door and enter. I disable the laser trip wires. This took like five times. (That means a lot of save scuming.) I rescue the old giant German cyborg. I tell him I got it, because I beat this a hundred times by scooting around the back. He is ungrateful.  He tried to guilt me about being obsolete but he kills me nine out of ten times. You know there is no option to make him happy.

He is the tragic figure. His flaw is that he is ungrateful and selfish. I tried to save him but his lady friend tries to kill JC brother. So of course, Jesus would not be down for that. If Faust was satisfied with the knowledge he had, he would have never been placed in the barging. If Oedipus listened for once he would have never needed to cut out his eyes. All Pentheus would have had to be was nice to Dionysus, his cousin, to keep his head. All Gunter Hermann had to be was grateful.

I might try to get Codsworth into bed. My ugly creation has all but forgot his son SHAWN, for weird adventures in mediocrity. Then again, I could just run around killing tiny brains with four spider legs with a rocket launcher in Doom II. Perhaps, in the world to come Preston will finally admit that he is the leader and that you are simply his number two. That Hermann will thank you for all the time you spent saving him. Or perhaps one morning you will wake up next to your true love the brain with metal spider legs and a plasma gun.

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